Depression: The List

Depression is a play list or collection of songs I put together on audio cassette several years ago to try to help me understand depression which I was going through at that time. I also found it helpful as a coping mechanism for dealing with my depression. I felt compelled to share the list with you through this blog.

Now before I go any further, I want you to understand that even though there are songs in this list that very specifically make reference to suicide, I do not condone nor in any way encourage any one to consider suicide. In fact if you are depressed and at a point in your pain where you may be thinking about suicide I suggest you visit this web page "Suicide: Read This First"

I broke the list into 2 parts, The Descent and The Depths.This list is by no means intended to be an accurate explanation of depression, but rather a way for me to explore some of what I may have been feeling through the music I love. And the list I share here will have some slight differences from my original list because I tried to include links to most of the songs on the list in one way or another, but I could not find all of the original songs or artists on line so some songs on the list do not have links and some are link to different artists than the ones in my list.

So, on with the list.
Depression, Part 1: The Descent
This is an attempt to understand what feelings or events may lead a person into feelings of depression.

Cellophane City by Steve Forbert
Hold On (To What You've Got by Ian Gomm
Baby Better Start Turnin' Em Down by Rosanne Cash
Angel In Blue by the J. Geils Band
True Confessions by Garland Jeffreys
Liar by 3 Dog Night
Don't Fear The Reaper by Blue Oyster Cult
Suicide by Richard T. Bear
No Easy Way Down by Nora Jones
Going Up's Easy, Coming Down's Hard by Bobby Bare
Carmelita by Linda Ronstadt
People Are Strange by the Doors
But I Might Die Tonight by Cat Stevens

Depression Part 2: The Depths
Here I tried to capture some of the feelings or thoughts you might have when you are really down deep in your depression.

Bartender Blues by George Jones
Death Of A Clown by the Kinks
River Of Wine by Free Beer
Little Glass of Wine by Jesse Winchester
I Hate Myself by Genya Ravan
There's No Way Out Of Here by David Gilmour
Jump, Jump, Jump by Rick Derringer
The Fall by A Flock Of Seagulls
Bridge Of Sighs by Robin Trower
Goodbye Cruel World by Pink Floyd
Elegie by Patti Smith

Need help? In the U.S., call 1-800-273-8255

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

Honoring those who dedicate there lives to helping the lost, the lonely, the people who are in so much pain that it is hard to see clearly what wonders my lie ahead in their lives.

Maybe You're Right

Most days, I wake up from sleep with music in my head. Most of the time they are just fragments of a song, like maybe one verse or maybe just a chorus line. Sometimes they are familiar tunes, you know, like when a tune that you know gets stuck in you head and it drives you nuts till you can actually hear or it eventually fades away. Sometimes, as far as I know, they are unfamiliar tunes, maybe something I heard in the background somewhere but never really "heard" and memorized, or maybe they are something totally new, something of my own invention.

Most of the time they fade quickly away shortly after I wake up, I remember that there was a tune but I could not say what or tell you anything about them.

But sometimes one is persistent and sticks with me a little longer, like maybe there is something more to this, like maybe a message? This morning is one of those times and tunes. It was a simple tune and I am pretty sure it was just a fragment. I think it was  in 4/4 time with just a drum beat for instrumentation. and the only lyrics were "maybe you're right" over and over again occasionally interspersed with "hope".

I don't know. Any thoughts or ideas?

The Real You

“Hi, how are you? I'm great thanks, how about your self?” And so it goes meeting friends and sometimes strangers too. You show a certain level of confidence and calm; but deep down inside hidden in the dark places is a tangled ball of raw nerves and emotions embedded in a quivering mass of jelly. Here there is no confidence, no calm, just fear of exposure and maybe anger or envy or resentment or any number of other thoughts and feelings struggling to get out and maybe scream like Pink Floyd outside the wall.

This is what God wants to see, this is the real you. The you that everyone else sees and knows as you is just a facade like your “Facebook” page to the physical world, it puts on a good show but it is not who God wants to know. God wants to meet the quivering mass and tangled ball of nerves. He wants to get to know the real you, not so he can judge you but so he can help you untangle the nerves and emotions, and he wants to give some form, some substance to the mass of jelly. God wants to help you make some sense out of all that tangled up mess so you can really learn who the real you is.

God wants so badly to reach out and hold the real you in a loving hug and maybe gently say, “its okay my child, lets get those nerves untangled.” But God loves you so much that he will not force you to come out of hiding, He waits for you to come to him, like the old man waiting at the end of the road. It's your choice, but if you chose to not come to him, to recede even further into your dark places and turn instead to the same old comforts that never quite satisfy, The Father is saddened, maybe he sheds a tear and a little more blood stains the cross. But still waits, because he has the time, not just all the time in the world or the universe, no, God has all the time.

But if you reach out to God, if you come to his call, even if it's just a little bit, maybe just enough to say “Hey Pop, sup?” then God will be overjoyed, and he will bring out all his finest things to celebrate, because to God there is never to much or too little, its all the same to God.

Deep down inside, you know who the real you is. You know the mess of emotions you are experiencing and you know that God wants so badly to help relieve you of your emotional turmoil. But you have to decide of you want Gods loving touch and help or not. But no matter what path you chose to take, He is still waiting.